Read Brave Saint Paul 2021: Talk and Share

Restate an idea or thought to make it clearer.

• "Let me see if I’m hearing you correctly ... "
• "What I believe you are saying is ... "

Briefly state the main thoughts.

• "It sounds to me as if we have been talking about a few major themes ... "

Move from one speaker or topic to another.

• "Thank you, John. Do you have anything to add, Jane?"
• "We’ve been focusing on views 1 and 2. Does anyone have strong feelings about the other views?"

Questions help people explore disagreements, understand other perspectives, and uncover common ground.

• "What are the key points here?"
• "What would someone with a different point of view say?"

Help manage conflict and disagreement to be productive. Steer participants away from blaming or belittling statements.

• "Let’s refer to our ground rules."
• "What seems to be at the heart of this issue?"
• "What do others think?"

People with good intentions misspeak or make statements that can hurt or offend. Letting others know how their words affect you or might be misunderstood by others is useful. Ascribing intent can be counterproductive.

• Consider saying, "I feel frustrated (or I feel disrespected) when people say ______ because…"
• Avoid, "That pisses me off; that’s such a stupid (or racist) thing to say."

Allow time and space for reflection by pausing between comments.

Recognize and understand how people communicate without using words. How you are sending signals from your own body? How can you signal encouragement and participation.

In a virtual setting, this is especially important because your face is all that’s visible. Be more energetic than you would be in person and embrace silence.